The Second First Year
One year ago today it was a Sunday, my father in law's sixtieth birthday, my sister's induction date and in the early morning hours, while my house was quiet and I folded laundry, it was the beginning of my second labor.
While my husband and son slept I texted with my sister, anxious about her induction, and confided in her that I was pretty sure things were starting. I'll save all of the labor and delivery details for a different post - if I ever decide to write it all down.
Everything about that day was bliss. I felt calm, I felt in control, I felt so ready to meet my second baby. I had no idea if we were having a boy or girl, what life would be like with two under two - I had no idea if the anxiety and depression that followed my first delivery would come back. By that afternoon, to Drunk on a Plane, by Dierks Bentley, Porter arrived bearing the answers to many of my questions and although this wasn't my first rodeo, our first year with Porter has still taught me so many things and brings so much to celebrate.
Things haven't been a walk in the park with Porter and in comparison to the other two babies born that week in my family (yes, we had three babies in one week) Porter is by far the angriest elf. But in stark contrast to my first experience with a baby, this second go has been an absolute dream. There were tough days, tough nights, of course - but they were just moments. Perhaps due to Stetson's love of country music videos, I feel Porter's first year is best summed up by the following songs:
The Perfect Storm - Brad Paisley
"Smooth with a kick, a chill and a burn all at the same time"
I'm so grateful to say that anxiety and depression don't always accompany postpartum - you might just adore your baby from the minute you see them. You might just want to cuddle all the time, kiss as often as possible and soak in that sweet baby energy. I know I did. I was SO happy, in love and proud. I wanted the whole world to meet Porter. Hide away at home?! No way! I wanted to go out with my little bundle rolled up in the sling and share his sweet baby love with everyone. I learned that this can happen and as someone who has now experienced both sides of the coin, I wish that every mother could experience the bliss.
Wild Ones - Kip Moore
"We're the midnight up-all-nighters"
So although Porter has been easier than Stetson, he's still not what I would call a great sleeper. It took four weeks for Porter to sort out night from day, four weeks. Maybe this was my fault, maybe he didn't even realize he was born during the day, as I wore him in the sling. Who knows. "We don't need to sleep tonight!" Sleep is much better now, aren't things always? In time?
This is How We Roll - Florida Georgia Line
"Yeah baby this is how we roll" Cringe. I know, not my favourite either. But clearly an appeal to the younger crowd, my toddler can't get enough of these two. Survival for the hard times with two - get outside. Long nights and early mornings meant packing up some snacks and water and heading to the park, the pathway, anywhere that my toddler could run and Porter could either sleep or be stimulated by the sights. Not to mention, it's healing for me. Nothing makes me feel happier, refuelled and capable like going outside for a walk. So, pretty much everyday, we would hit the pathway - just ask the neighbours, we frequent the parks.
My Wish - Rascal Flatts
"I hope you always forgive and you never regret and you help somebody every chance you get. You find God's grace in every mistake and always give more than you take"
I know, super lame Mommy moment - I don't care. For me, for the first time, today is a little sad. Today my baby is that much older and at this point, I don't know if we will have another. Porter won't always want to cuddle, the nights of sleeping with him on my chest in the recliner have all but disappeared. Porter doesn't like to go in the sling anymore and I know that all too soon he'll be walking, running and playing alongside his brother, too busy for Momma. To both of my boys, who I can already see are going to be the best of friends, I love you and I forgive you for wrecking the walls, jumping on my throw cushions and likely smashing a few too many of my beloved mason jars.