To Be Honest Thursday #tbht

To be honest, today I lost my temper with Stetson.
To be honest, I was so so angry. It may have been my angriest moment as a parent.
The boys are now sharing a room and Stetson decided to start hollering and hooting about twenty minutes in to his nap. He not only didn't nap himself, but he woke up his little brother, Porter, and I was furious.
To be honest, I raised my voice and then I started to cry.
I rarely raise my voice or lose my temper. Rarely. That's not a brag, that's just my personality. But today I yelled. Today I sounded like my own mother, when she was angry.
After our upset, cry and regroup, I sat the boys in front of the TV with a movie on and I went for a shower. In the shower I replayed it all over in my head. The yelling, the crying, the hugs, the TV, the lack of naps.
To be honest, sleep is a huge trigger for my post-partum anxiety. When the boys refuse to sleep or wake up constantly or miss a nap or are late for bedtime... pretty much anything that messes with sleep will set me off. So today, today was tough. But in the shower, in the calm, I can see the reality - it's okay, it's not the end of the world and the day will go on. They'll go to bed tonight and tomorrow will be a new day. And tomorrow I will feel better.
To be honest, is yelling really the worst thing a parent could do? I mentioned above that I sounded like my mother.
To be honest, there is no one else I would rather sound like. My mom yelled at us, when warranted. But she also loved us, she hugged and kissed us, she supported us and gave everything for us. If I end up being anything close to the mother that raised me, I'll be lucky, and so will my kids.
Now why am I sharing this? It's not my typical type of post but my kind, caring, supportive friend Erin started #tbht a while ago and to be honest, I feel like we could all use a little honesty. Parenting is hard, as it should be, we are raising the future. So let's do it together, the good and not so good, we won't get anywhere alone. Life isn't always pretty or perfect and I make a conscious effort to show that.
My sweet Erin and her friend Amanda operate an amazing organization called Kindred Counselling & Workshops, if you are new to parenting or in the thick of it they are an incredible resource of knowledge, love and support.

- lovefrommaria

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