Getting Back to Love

Energy is a powerful thing. Sometimes just walking into a room can overwhelm us with energy, positive or negative. As a child I didn't understand what this was, but I do remember feeling it. I remember feeling responsible for it and I remember searching for solutions to deal with it. I spent a lot of energy trying to help others feel happier, I still do. Being a peacemaker comes naturally, maybe it's being the middle child, maybe it's just me, who knows. It brings me joy to lift others or help others to work through a problem but for all of the joy it brings it is equally exhausting. When I was young I can remember feeling the weight of peacemaking and finding ways to release it. As young as elementary school I can remember picturing to one side, my favourite things, and on the other, the things that felt heavy. With each exhale I would picture all of the heavy things leaving my brain and on the inhale I would picture my favourite things filling the space. In and out, until the visual in my head had reversed - all of the heavy things were out of my brain and all of my favourite things were filling it. 

This is actually something I still practice when I am feeling overwhelmed or heavy from the energies of the day. I still find myself a peacemaker and though less than I did as a child, I still often feel responsibility in restoring peace to situations and other people's energies. I am working on releasing myself from the outcomes, while still living true to my role as a peacemaker. The balance of this is an interesting one - being there, supporting, offering solutions, giving honesty and kindness while removing myself from the weight of the outcome. I am working daily to do this, reminding myself constantly that in the end those choices and decisions rest on the energy of others, not on me.

Living like love is a journey. Everyday it is a choice to wake up and choose love - some days are harder than others. Some days require a lot of reminders, of in and out breathing or silence before speaking. Some days I lean on others for energy or guidance - I am so grateful to have people in my life that I can lean on. To everyone in my life who gives me energy when I am depleted, thank you. Being on this journey to live like love would be so much more difficult without you. 

- lovefrommaria


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